Monday, March 19, 2018

Reflections On Grief

This blog are my reflections on grief based on what I have experienced in my life.  The loss of my son, Joe almost 10 years ago and the loss of my husband, Paul last year-2017.  Although I do not declare to be an expert on grief, I do know that there seems to be some defined “stages of grief”.  I’m attending a grief support group right now which I’m very thankful to the friends that have opened up their home to allow us to have time to talk about our losses.
The study right now talked about a thought process by many that there is a straight line from the time of loss to the one year anniversary of the loss:
*Loss of Love One*__________________________________________*One Year Anniversary*
  By the one year anniversary most feel you have been through all the “stages of grief” and that you should be able to go on.  Yes, you do go on, but the loss is still there and you have to find a way go on.  This is where for me, I find turning to God’s word is of great comfort-Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed”
The study talked about the straight line is not really how it works. 
It is a continuous circle:

You can be going about your day and something, anything, it could be a sound, a song, a piece of clothing that will bring you to missing your loved one so intensely that you feel you are back to the day of the loss. This can happen any time not only within the first year of loss, this can and will happen many years later after the loss of your loved one.
Hearing this made me feel somewhat relieved and helped me to realize that I’m not going crazy and that I’m not full of self-pity.  It's ok for me to have days where I can hardly say the words “my son is no longer here” and “my husband is no longer here” and cry like a baby.  It's ok for me to feel like I want them both here so they can be with our family.  Also, there are other days that I can say:
"Yes, this is part of my life-I have lost my son and I have lost my husband” without the tears. On those days, I take time to be thankful that the Lord blessed me with my son and the Lord blessed me with my husband, and reflect on our happy memories.
One other thing also to mention, is that everyone grieves differently, and we need to be respectful to how each person grieves.  The best words to say is “I’m sorry” or sometimes just letting the person talk and not say anything at all, can be healing as well.

Thank you for visiting my little corner on the World Wide Web with my small, humble blog.

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